"Let the one who walks in the dark, who has no light, trust in the name of the LORD and rely on their God." -Isaiah 50:10
To make a long story short, I don't have a job yet, and I am still praying about that and looking for one. I have no idea what God is up to, but He has given me lots of reminders lately of His presence and some specific illustrations of Blind Faith - trusting Him in the dark - even when I cannot see where the path is leading and even when He is mostly silent on the subject and the waiting is hard and painful. In the dark, when I can't even see what is right in front of me, I have to believe in His good plan and great Love and that there is a reason for His timing and ways. It's especially hard to wait because I don't want to be a financial burden to my parents - they love me and have hugely supported me in all of this and throughout my life. I obviously could never repay them for all they have already done for me! (I am so hugely blessed because of them!)
Some days are better than others. Some days I am filled with hope, joy, and indescribable peace. Other days I cry my eyes out in frustration, discouragement, and pain wishing that I could just give up, but I know that I have to keep going and that I will keep going. God helps me through each day – the good and the bad ones. [Psalm 3:5-8 "I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the LORD sustains me. I will not fear though tens of thousands assail me on every side. Arise, LORD! Deliver me, my God! . . . From the LORD comes deliverance. May your blessing be on your people.”] Sometimes I never thought my heart could hurt so much, and I’ve had plenty of ugly moments during this period of my life, but God continues to pick me up, carry me, and heal my brokenness.
Even though right now I feel stuck here forever (woe is me), I know that God has a plan and eventually it will be ok. He is always good and true no matter what!
For running cross-country, when I would get tired at the end of a race, being able to see the finish line always gave me renewed strength and a sense of relief - I knew I could make it. With this season of unemployment, there is no finish line in sight - it could be just around the corner or many more miles down the road. I have to keep going by faith and not sight and that is much, much harder! Also, I have to rely on God's strength and not my own. If one thing is perfectly clear in all of this, it's that I can't do this life well on my own. I need God's help for everything!!!
To be honest, I like being able to see down the path ahead. Walking by faith is hard. We need God’s help to do that. We can’t rely on ourselves. One time with friends, rather than back-tracking on a trail, they decided to cut cross-country to save time, and everything in me railed against that. I don’t like feeling lost!!! But in the end it worked out ok. I had no reason to be anxious. They knew what they were doing. In a Max Lucado book, he tells a similar story of a tourist trekking through the middle of the jungle following a guide wielding a machete. The tourist asks the guide where the path is, and the guide replies, “I am the path.” He had to trust that the guide knew the way to their destination. So, that’s where I am at, trusting God, my Good Shepherd and Guide, to get me to my next destination when I don’t know the way and am presently in the dark of the jungle.
Sometimes I feel like I should wait until I have “my life all together” or “all figured out” before I post an update, but I should know by know that’s never the case. I wanted to share that to perhaps encourage any of you who are currently going through a challenging period of life.
Know that you are not alone.
Throughout all of this, it has meant a lot that God has surrounded me with family and friends to support me through this! I am so blessed because of all of you. Thank you for all of your prayers and words of encouragement and for just being there for me!!!
As a new year approaches, I pray that God would bless you and keep you. Who knows what the journey and the road ahead will hold . . . a lot can happen in a year ;) . . . fresh starts, new opportunities, romance, adventure . . . Keep following God into the abundant life He has planned for you, and it certainly will not be dull!!!
Katie
P.S. Some closing song lyrics:
Move Mountains Again - Julian Drive lyrics
My body wants to quit, but I keep pressing on
My mind is weak but my heart’s getting stronger
I know you’re bigger than my deepest fear inside
You help me see far beyond these eyes
Take my hand and pull me through
I reach for you
Chorus
When my will gives out, when my walls cave in
You keep calling me back, and calling me friend
When my defenses fall, and I reach my end
You carry me over, and move mountains again (and again)
My self gets in the way, my efforts let me down
I give it all to You, tired, yet somehow
I know Your love can heal, my deepest hurt inside
You help me rise far above this life
Take my hand and pull me through
I reach for you
There’s none to big, and none to small
You’re God over everything, Lord of all
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