Some Thoughts on Joy and the Marrow of This Present Moment

What an awesome winter for cross-country skiing! :) Today, while out on the trail - exhilarated by adventure and joy, awed by the beauty and romance of creation, I was thinking - if only I could get a job where I got to be outside in the woods every day like this.

Then, all of a sudden, I knew God was speaking to my heart a huge, "Hello! What about fully experiencing this present moment!" ;) Of course! I am so rich in what is right in front of me! And - Yes! what I really want is to savor more everyday moments like this and to have a greater awareness and gratitude to celebrate what is right in front of me. Sometimes I do get too greedy and think that I need to somehow arrange for my future happiness with some master plan. But really, there is life right here and now that I do not want to miss! God is continually providing me with life and daily bread. That made me think of this passage from Matthew 6:25-34 NLT about the birds and the lilies of the field and how God cares for us:

“That is why I tell you not to worry about everyday life—whether you have enough food and drink, or enough clothes to wear. Isn’t life more than food, and your body more than clothing? Look at the birds. They don’t plant or harvest or store food in barns, for your heavenly Father feeds them. And aren’t you far more valuable to him than they are? Can all your worries add a single moment to your life? “And why worry about your clothing? Look at the lilies of the field and how they grow. They don’t work or make their clothing, yet Solomon in all his glory was not dressed as beautifully as they are. And if God cares so wonderfully for wildflowers that are here today and thrown into the fire tomorrow, he will certainly care for you. Why do you have so little faith?
“So don’t worry about these things, saying, ‘What will we eat? What will we drink? What will we wear?’ These things dominate the thoughts of unbelievers, but your heavenly Father already knows all your needs. Seek the Kingdom of God^[d] above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.
“So don’t worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today’s trouble is enough for today.

Thank you, God, for all of that. I want to keep soaking up the marrow of this present moment with You - and each moment after it on into eternity. Nothing compares to the romance and adventure of life with You :) 

Stand and Fight - Live into Joy :)

"Cause when push comes to shove / You taste what you're made of / You might bend, till you break / Cause its all you can take / On your knees you look up / Decide you've had enough / You get mad you get strong / Wipe your hands shake it off / Then you Stand, Then you stand" -Rascal Flatts lyrics

My sister Emily reminded me of that song the other day when we were out for a run, and I found it super encouraging.

Lately, I have had so much peace and joy in Christ and in walking with God. And I am so glad and grateful to be just where I am right now! :)

But our enemy, Satan, is always prowling around trying to steal our joy - to catch us off-guard, to get us to feel condemned or worthless, or like hopeless failures who should just give up. And Satan will come at us in all different ways in life to try to drag us down.

The area I have been struggling with most lately is still the desire for financial independence and security...

In walking with God, I know have done my best in life so far, in spite of plenty  of mistakes along the way. (And while reassuring to know I have tried my best, that also sometimes makes it feel worse - to have done your best and feel like "it's not enough"). But I wouldn't change anything about my past or where God has brought me through including unemployment. Yet, like I've said before, I am also not where I thought I would be.

I really love living at home with my parents and the huge blessing of getting to spend time with them :) I could care less about having my own apartment, etc. But the main thing is that right now they are paying for my housing, food, and often gas as well - and I keep feeling terrible and guilty about that. Those are things I would like to be able to pay for myself! At the same time, I am very grateful and believe God has throughout my life and right now blessed me hugely through them. And if for now God chooses to continue to provide for me through them, than I need to humbly receive that and be extremely thankful, (which I am!). I also need to let go of the condemnation and overwhelming guilt that Satan keeps trying to heap on me because of that.

I know that my parents love me and want the best for me and desire the same things I do - that I would be provided and cared for and would reach a place of financial independence and security. And they have been so supportive of me throughout my life and including right now. I love my parents so much and do not want to be a burden to them or a source of worry. I want to be a blessing to them and a source of joy and peace. And I pray for that!

Like my sister said, my true heart is not to be irresponsible, to take advantage of anyone, to be lazy, to be careless about spending money, to take on unnecessary debt, etc. I want to work hard and be responsible and live in ways that honor God and my parents. I need to dismiss the lies of the enemy that I am terrible, pathetic person who is failing and getting it all wrong and majorly letting others down.

Going through unemployment and this present season of life have taught me that I don't need a lot to be happy. I want to live contentedly and frugally and joyfully.

I choose to tithe and to keep giving to others in this season because my trust is in God to provide.

A friend at Bible study not long ago mentioned this verse from Malachi 3:10:

"Bring the whole tithe into the storehouse, that there may be food in my house. Test me in this,” says the LORD Almighty, “and see if I will not throw open the floodgates of heaven and pour out so much blessing that there will not be room enough to store it." 

And 2 Corinthians also talks about giving generously even in periods of having seemingly little, and God will move in powerful ways:

And now, brothers and sisters, we want you to know about the grace that God has given the Macedonian churches. In the midst of a very severe trial, their overflowing joy and their extreme poverty welled up in rich generosity. For I testify that they gave as much as they were able, and even beyond their ability. Entirely on their own, they urgently pleaded with us for the privilege of sharing in this service to the Lord’s people. And they exceeded our expectations: They gave themselves first of all to the Lord, and then by the will of God also to us. So we urged Titus, just as he had earlier made a beginning, to bring also to completion this act of grace on your part. But since you excel in everything—in faith, in speech, in knowledge, in complete earnestness and in the love we have kindled in you—see that you also excel in this grace of giving.  (2 Cor. 8:1-7)

And:

Remember this: Whoever sows sparingly will also reap sparingly, and whoever sows generously will also reap generously. Each of you should give what you have decided in your heart to give, not reluctantly or under compulsion, for God loves a cheerful giver. And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written: “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor; their righteousness endures forever.” Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God. This service that you perform is not only supplying the needs of the Lord’s people but is also overflowing in many expressions of thanks to God. Because of the service by which you have proved yourselves, others will praise God for the obedience that accompanies your confession of the gospel of Christ, and for your generosity in sharing with them and with everyone else. And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. Thanks be to God for his indescribable gift! (2 Corinthians 9:6-15)

On a recent trip down to Florida with family, we ran into a young man and his dad who, in already difficult times economically, had car trouble and were in need of money to reach their destination. I wrestled with deeply caring about their situation, while not feeling like I was in a place to give - with relying on others for my own food, etc. I almost at the last minute decided to give him $5 from my wallet anyway - after all what would it really matter in the grand scheme of things - but then everyone was getting ready to leave, and I let the opportunity pass me by. Felt sad and torn about that and prayed for him and his dad. Later that night when we ordered pizza, I tried to put in a few dollars towards it, and my grandpa ended up giving me money back instead - like $7 dollars or something! While I make plenty of mistakes along the way, God is continually growing me for the better even through my mistakes. I knew that God was teaching me a lesson then - that it is still okay to give when God places it on your heart to - even when you don't feel like you can or when your offering seems small. He will work it out.  

In this area of finances, Satan keeps attacking me: that because I am not supporting myself right now or making x amount of $ - that I am not enough, a miserable failure, and that I always will be.

And that's where the Racal Flatts song comes in:

"Cause when push comes to shove / You taste what you're made of / You might bend, till you break / Cause its all you can take / On your knees you look up / Decide you've had enough / You get mad you get strong / Wipe your hands shake it off / Then you Stand, Then you stand" -Rascal Flatts lyrics

Lately in this season of God hugely restoring my joy, Satan has been continually trying to drag me down - especially in that area of my life. And I did reach a breaking point, but perhaps not the one that Satan expected...

I said - No! Enough! I got mad. I got strong. I decided to brush aside Satan's condemning words and lies and arrows. I know what Satan is up to in trying to - drag me down and ruin me and get me to crumble and give up - and I won't have it! I am strong and victorious in Christ! I have decided it is time to stand and fight (and I hope you decide to stand and fight too in whatever areas Satan tries to attack you and diminish you!) The enemy cannot have my joy or keep making me feel bad about myself in this.

My worth is not ultimately about how much money I make or any of that!

The sustaining truth I keep coming back to is that my worth is and always will be found unshakably in belonging to God - the Most Wonderful One of All - who Loves us truest and best. ("See what great love the Father has lavished on us, that we should be called children of God! And that is what we are!" -1 John 3:1) And God is my strong Protector and Provider ("And my God will meet all your needs according to the riches of his glory in Christ Jesus." -Philippians 4:19)

I know that I am where I am supposed to be right now. I love my part-time job at the library even if it is minimum wage. And I know God is hugely blessing me through that job and where I am at right now with being at home with family and with good friends at church. And I know God is calling me back to school to study library and information science. I have this feeling in my heart that perhaps my school will be completely paid for through scholarships - that God will provide in that way, so that I don't have to take on a huge debt. But regardless of how or when God chooses to provide, I know that He will provide and that I need to keep trusting and waiting on Him.

I find great encouragement in this season of life from the story of Joseph in Genesis. Joseph's brothers, out of jealousy, tried to get rid of him and almost killed him before deciding to sell him into slavery in Egypt instead. God blesses Joseph even in his time as a slave. Then, he is imprisoned for a crime he did not commit, and it appears that things have gone from bad to worse. But yet again, even in Joseph's time in prison, God blesses him. And unbeknownst to Joesph, God was using all of that to prepare him for what was ahead - to humble Joseph and grow him before a time when God would lift Joseph up to be a ruler of Egypt - to not only bless Joseph, but many others through him.

I am sure that slavery and imprisonment were not part of Joseph's own plans for his life! Just like seasons of unemployment and a present financial-dependence on my parents as an adult were not part of mine. But God always knows what He is up to in the bigger picture. He is always loving and faithful and good, and He is already / always working on our behalf for good - no matter what our circumstances may appear to be.

Jeremiah 29:11 says:

"For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future."

And Romans 8:28 says:

 And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.

I find that all very encouraging!!!!! That doesn't mean that we don't still have bad days from time to time or ever get down, but that we should keep pouring out our whole hearts, feelings, experiences to God in prayer. We should keep advancing with the God's truth to defeat the lies of the enemy. And we should keep practicing our offense and defense by putting on the full armor of God:

Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power. Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms. Therefore put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist, with the breastplate of righteousness in place, and with your feet fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith, with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows of the evil one. Take the helmet of salvation and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.  (Ephesians 6:10-17)

And like a mentor of mine said - Don't even open the door a crack to the enemy who will try to knock down the door and push it open and wreak havoc. No! We are already victorious and free from condemnation in Christ, and we can pray for each other and stand strong together in the power of God!

Lastly, I would like to share another encouraging and related passage from the Bible to consider from 1 Peter 5:6-11 that says:

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God’s mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you. Be alert and of sober mind. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that the family of believers throughout the world is undergoing the same kind of sufferings. And the God of all grace, who called you to his eternal glory in Christ, after you have suffered a little while, will himself restore you and make you strong, firm and steadfast. To him be the power for ever and ever. Amen."

Let's stand and fight in Christ's power and not live defeated. Rather let's put on the full armor of God, trust Him wholeheartedly, rest in Him, stand firm, fight, and live victorious and joy-filled lives ;)

On Being Restored to Joy :)

Life has taken some unexpected twists lately...

But then, God's plans for us are always a lot better and crazier than anything that we could dream up! In a book I read once by Robin Jones Gunn (that maybe I've shared before, lol) God was referred to as the "Wild One." I really like that reference a lot - Life with God is a Great Adventure and Romance - and certainly filled with lots of surprises along the way. Sometimes I feel like I'm swept up in a whirlwind (like right now included, lol) - I'm doing what now? how did I end up here? and where am I going? [Like in Lord of the Rings when Frodo says, "Remember what Bilbo used to say: 'It's a dangerous business, Frodo, going out your door. You step onto the road, and if you don't keep your feet, there's no knowing where you might be swept off to.'"] Following God is a lot like that too. lol.

I know I won't ever have life all figured out. But it's reassuring to know that I can keep walking with God daily through all the ups and downs in life and to trust Him with whatever step I am currently on and believe in the good plans He has for each one of us ;) Mostly in life I want to draw closer and closer in my relationship to God and to follow Him each step of the way. I know that I need God's help hugely on a daily basis!

This past summer, my time in Montana with the Montana Conservation Corps was awesome!!!!!!!!!! Such an incredible place! I'm very grateful I got to go out there and meet lots of cool people and see beautiful/ / wonderful parts of God's creation and do things I never would have imagined doing - hiking a ton, digging trails, chainsawing, nearly drowning in a river crossing, living outside and camping out so much. I liked the church I went to out there a lot too - it was smaller and a great community. I also really liked the people I worked with on my crew and getting to know them as friends. Montana reminded me that I want to love God and others well, to encourage everyone I meet and share God with them the best I can, and to live my life for God's glory. I don't always know how to do that well. But I keep praying that everyone would know God and not miss out on his Great Love and the Abundant Real Life of knowing Him!

At the end of my time in Montana, I felt myself longing in the next season of life for Home - a place of rest and security and belonging - not that I want life to suddenly become boring and dull - I still want Adventure and Romance - but I was longing for a place to be more settled. And I took comfort in God's truth / promises that He's been speaking into my life and heart lately through Isaiah 32:16-18 that says: "The LORD’s justice will dwell in the desert, his righteousness live in the fertile field. The fruit of that righteousness will be peace; its effect will be quietness and confidence forever. My people will live in peaceful dwelling places, in secure homes, in undisturbed places of rest."

When I first got back to Michigan, it was really wonderful to see family and friends. But I also found myself facing some of the pain and brokenness and discouragement leftover from my period of unemployment before going out to Montana. Those areas were set aside during my time in Montana but hadn't really been dealt with yet, and God brought them to the surface so that He could heal them and restore me to Life and Joy in Him. And that has been a wonderful journey :) 

 

Lately, God has hugely been restoring my Joy in Him and ushering in a season of restoration and rest and security in Him. Also, it is really wonderful to live at home with my parents again and I greatly appreciate all their help and being able to spend so much time with them, but I don't want to be a financial burden to them forever. At this age and point in my life, I would have thought that I would be much further along in being able to support myself. But I need to trust in God's plan and timing for my life and to ask Him for wisdom. Lately, I've been praying that God would remind me that He is my Provider.

While in Montana, I volunteered some at the library there. In seeking God's will regarding what to do next in life, I will be returning to school in May 2012 for an online Masters degree in Library and Information Science.

When I first got back to Michigan, I applied to a local park to work at a winter sports hill - running lifts, taking tickets, concessions, etc. where my twin sister had already gotten a job, and I was glad and grateful to be hired and excited to get to work with my sister and meet some cool people.... Only it has been a very bizarre winter - the strangest I've ever seen in Michigan - with warm temperatures and no snow!!! [Until today that is :) Yeah! Snow!!! :)] So a long story short, a job that would have started in December has been delayed and won't start until next weekend - January 20ish. So that's an area of trusting that God will work it all for good somehow even though I don't understand all the specifics of why things happen the way that they do. 

In the meantime, it was wonderful to get settled in and enjoy the holidays with family and friends and work on some of the details involved in going back to school. I also started volunteering at the library in my hometown, and the people who work there are all really nice and encouraging :) I have learned so much from them already and would like to keep volunteering there and getting to know them better. Volunteering has been great to gain some work experience, but it's also a huge privilege because that library in particular has been an incredible blessing in my life growing up, and it's good to give a little bit back (not that I could ever repay how much I've been given!)

I've also been applying for jobs to work at libraries and just this week I got called for an interview with another library in the area. That library is much larger than the library in my hometown, and when I went there for the interview and entered the doors, I was reminded yet again of how libraries of all sizes make me very very happy :) lol. To me, it was like entering Mr. Magorium's Wonder Emporium :) The people I interviewed with were amazing, and I couldn't help thinking that I would really enjoy working with them and learning from them. That whole process had God's handiwork written all over it!!!

I only started volunteering at my hometown library in December and had put that on my job application. The head librarian at the other library saw that I was volunteering and called the head librarian at my hometown library for a reference, and she put in a good word for me, of which I am very grateful. I was the first person they interviewed for the job, and I found out the very next day that I was hired! That's humbling - because - if my season of unemployment has taught me anything - it's that there are a lot of qualified people out there. Yet, somehow God has a plan for each one of us and for whatever reason He chose to provide and bless me with this particular job, and I am very grateful! It's a part-time job, but there could be room to grow, and I leave the rest in God's hands. I am just excited to be starting that next week :) Sometimes we're challenged by long periods of waiting for answers and other times God chooses to answer quickly, but always He has our best interests at heart.

Other than that, I'd also like to date and get married at some point. That desire has been on my heart a lot lately. For the most part, It is out of my hands, but I have been praying for my future husband and writing letters to him from time to time - ever since I read the book When God Writes Your Love Story. God is the Author of Romance and all of Life - so it makes sense to turn to Him for guidance in that as in everything else. The whole process has given me a lot of perspective on God's love for us too- it's incredibly risky to love someone who may never feel the same way about you! It takes a lot of courage - And Christ died for us before we ever chose to love Him (and some may still choose to reject Him)! So anyway, who knows how all of that will turn out, sometimes it seems dangerous to hope - but I know that God can handle my heart and that whatever God has in store will be good...whether single or married. And in all of life, I want to enjoy each day with God - My Truest Prince Charming - the One who will always Love me Truest and Best :)

Lastly, I've been keeping a regular journal, but would like to do some more creative writing. And recently I signed up to run a marathon with my younger sister in May and am really excited to train for that and to run with my sister for some of the long runs and to spend time with her :)

So, God has been doing some wonderful things in my life lately :) Praise Him for that! And may you also see God's goodness and faithfulness in your lives - in whatever season you may be in life. May God bless you and keep you always and remind you of His great Love.